Dirt Beneath the Shamrocks

Come Monday at High Noon

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 23:05:00 -0500

Hello Everyone;

Since I last wrote here, much time has passed. Some days and months passed quickly while parts of time slowed to imperceptible increments with almost no measure.

As many of you know I’ve not been well, battling several things happening in my body I am unable to control. Well, really, I can’t control anything so why pretend I can?

Looking back, there were many times I wanted to write and explain my circumstances, yet between extreme exhaustion and not wanting to bore anyone with my illness, retreated from much of life and most of my friends. For that I am sorry … the friends part that is. Life continues at its own speed despite me participating.

When last I wrote, I was waiting for news of cancer in my thyroid. After waiting months for appointments, tests, results, the surgeon presented me with lots of information, most of which he almost resented communicating. He was an absolute jerk. From the first word out of his mouth he was combative, and since I’d been through so many doctors and test outcomes I decided I’d just confront everything he said to me, much of which was inappropriate on his part. I left with the knowledge I probably didn’t have cancer of the thyroid (after him telling me if I were to get cancer thyroid cancer would be the best to have since it was extremely treatable.) Good to know if I had the ability to control which cancer invaded my body.

After an hour with him, untold rude remarks, him leaving the room and me trailing after him to ask if we were done, he asked me when he should set the surgery date. Umm … what planet did he hail from that made him believe I was hip to him slicing and dicing my throat and trying to save my voice? I told him I’d let him know and never looked back. So at this point I probably don’t have cancer but will ultimately find out when my thyroid is removed and the biopsy is sent to pathology.

As I sit and write I am concentrating on not dwelling on the surgery which happens at high noon Monday the 14th. For the several year’s journey to get to this point I can only pack my bag for the overnight stay and pray for the doctor’s abilities and God’s guidance in his life. By the way, this surgeon is a wonderful man of faith, and has answered all my questions with great patience and given me hope at a time when most of my health and hope have evaporated. His parting words to me when I left his office this week were, “We’re going to take good care of you. I’m going to do everything I can to save your voice. This is the first step on a long road to get you back to good health.”

Speaking of the voice, that really is a major concern. This surgeon confirmed what every doctor has told me. We talked a lot about that concern as he explained how the vocal nerve lies alongside the thyroid and it just depends if the nerve is clear or wrapped around other nerves and blood vessels. I may have a voice, it may sound totally different, it’s a good chance I won’t be able to sing or if I can my range will be limited. Or if I’m in the unlucky 1 to 2 percent my voice will no longer exist. But he assured me someone would be there to work with me to get even a small sound back. I have to leave the fear there because fear is a demon which steals everything good in our lives.

The surgery was supposed to happen a few months ago, but like everything in my life, oddity happened. I was on the way to work and was in a rear end fender bender. No real significant damage to the car, or seemingly to me. Suffice it to say the 18 year old without his license or insurance wasn’t happy when I finally called the police after him begging for me not to. Such is life.

The headache continued for three days before I said uncle and went to see a doctor. The diagnosis of a concussion wasn’t surprising, but that I walked around and tried going to work a little confusing to me why I tried to be Superwoman. Pain pills didn’t work, nothing worked to take away the pain. A C.A.T. scan was performed. The results looked weird and I was sent to a neurologist on a search and find mission. The neurologist, an absolutely fabulous woman, gave me a thorough exam and explained I passed with flying colors … oh but there were questionable things on the scan so I needed an M.R.I. just to make sure I could go into surgery. Yeah, me too doc, I don’t want to die on the table because my brain isn’t working.

Had the M.R.I. and went back to the neurologist. Apparently the test showed the same problems and she didn’t know why. A grey area in my brain that was patchy. I looked at the pictures as she explained the scan. When I asked her if I should be drooling, she looked at me and told me I shouldn’t be functioning. Okay, that was unexpected. But she said obviously you are highly functioning and I’ve only seen this in one other case so it looks like that’s how your brain is formed. Sounded like a weather report to me – grey and patchy with a chance of drooling. I don’t mean to make light of brain issues because they aren’t a laughing matter. The concern on her face was real, the pain in my head real, the worse news to follow. She pulled up the next set of pictures, the ones after the grey patch which the radiologist didn’t like. She asked if I’d ever had strokes. I said no, why? Apparently there were too many white spots all over my brain which shouldn’t be in someone my age. Holes in my brain. Scarring with no apparent reason. So many questions, so few answers. Did I suffer from migraines? You betcha, since I was ten. She seemed to think this is what had killed the small blood vessels in my brain and scarred the tissue. Brains don’t grow back, hence the egg in the hot pan announcing this is your brain on drugs. But new neural pathways can form.

With a new prescription and an order for more tests to determine blood clotting factors (since we wanted to keep me alive on that operating table) I left her office after receiving two large shots in the back of my head (occipital lobes) to deaden some of the screaming pain. The tests came back marginally well, new tests for RA and Lupus, plus a C.T. angiogram of my brain however prolonged the surgery. The lupus test came back positive, I went to a rheumatologist who stated I probably didn’t have lupus but the thyroid was acting so odd with my diagnosis of hyperthyroid (I’ve had all the symptoms of hyperthyroid and hypothyroid) that he felt that was the auto-immune disease I was fighting. The angiogram was a test I really don’t want to retake if I can help it and I feel for people dealing with cancer or undergoing treatment where they inject heated things into your veins. I kept singing ‘You light up my brain’ as I entered the lab. The I.V. was hooked up and the test begun. About ten minutes into the test, the tech grabbed my head from behind and said not to move, he was administering the iodine dye.

The dye makes you suddenly hot with the sensation of wetting your pants while the scan spins around you. I’ve never quite experienced a test like that except one where an isotope was injected into my arm and the tech had six minutes to make sure the crap traveled the right way through my veins. This fiery brain concoction hit my head like a hot hammer and spread across my lungs and to my heart with rapid pulsing. For a few minutes I merely gasped while trying to get cool. Then ten minutes later the test was over and I was weaving down the hall in a stupor. My neurologist called yesterday and gave me the good news that she couldn’t find any misaligned blood vessels or blood flow around my brain and I could have the surgery Monday. Next month I go back for a check-up with her since the headaches haven’t really gone away. If they can’t figure out what’s going on new tests might happen, like a spinal tap to determine MS or something else. But at least I’m cleared for surgery and with a sense of relief that my brain isn’t going to explode while on the table.

I will be happy to finally have the surgery and hopefully get off some of the medication I’m taking. Between the extreme exhaustion of the thyroid disease, all the prescriptions to regulate my blood pressure, speeding heart, deep depression, and brain pain has left me dragging to the point where some days I get up and go back to bed after only about five hours. But I’m hanging in there.

Needless to say all this has affected my writing. I thought (so foolishly) that after the debacle of the Riley series publisher taking a hike, I would blow the new novel out of my head in a few months. I think most of the ideas got blown out another area of my body. Well I’ve been floundering for almost six months with only about 17K written to show my lackluster effort. Hopefully having surgery will allow me to put things behind me a bit more and on to the next chapter in my life as well as Riley’s life.

On a happy news front, I have submitted “Kingdom in a Glass” and it will be published in the premier issue of the Mind’s Eye Magazine in January 2010. I put a poem “Punished” on one Ning website on a whim because the poem is so acerbic. The site owner liked it and asked if he could publish it in the next issue of Cold Coffee Magazine, which came out December 1. I agreed and that poem can now be found between the pages of the magazine and as a download.

I can honestly say a lot has happened this past year. A rollercoaster of emotions have left me as exhausted as this lump in my throat. I’ve been angry, hurt, felt insane, giddy, exhausted, had two hours one day when I felt like I did when I was younger and more normal, been in untold pain, and have cried a million or so tears. I think the crying jags are the worst, but I’m getting through them with a little help from the pharmaceutical companies. Here’s to little pills.

I’ll close with something I’ve often said. You cannot control anything except how you react to the circumstances you’re going through. You cannot change what you are not willing to acknowledge. Sometimes things just aren’t your fault and give up trying to make them your fault. God is always in control of the situation and if you can honestly relinquish that control you can make it through things you thought impossible.

Take care, my friends. I miss you much.

Hopefully I’ll be back in the near future. I promise not to take so long this time if I’m able to communicate.

A Bittersweet Moment

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 19:07:00 -0400

Manic Readers' Review

Myth to Life: The Rise of Riley McCabe - At Death's Door

by P. A. Matthews

Braedon Carlisle is a handsome and, some might say, beautiful man or is he? Braedon is definitely not what he appears to be on the outside and the secret of whom and what he is and his unique and unusual way of life will change anyone who comes in contact with him. Braedon is not human and must find shelter during the day in order to survive. He is a vampire and his flock or children are his to protect and care for. Riley McCabe is the one person who he loves and will always protect. But, her secret life is just as unusual and if known to others would cause them to fear her and more. Spending time together and realizing that they need to be apart in order to sort out their feelings, Riley leaves his estate in England and returns home to Scotland. Before she has a chance to really decide what she wants to do, he reenters her life and she is enveloped back into a world filled with the supernatural and more. Riley has psychic powers that Braedon calls upon her to use in order to find out how someone close to him was killed. Sloan, as close to him as Riley, has disappeared or might be dead. He brings Riley back to where he was kidnapped in order to find out what happened and possibly, why. Riley agrees to use her powers and experiences the events of Sloan's death firsthand not realizing exactly what this would do to her and what the realities would be.

The reader becomes totally immersed in the events as if you are really there and experiencing the pain, agony and more that Riley experiences when she sees Sloan?s killer and experiences his death as if it is happening to her. Along with Braedon, his man friend Quinlan and one of his children or flock Desmond are there to protect both Braedon and Riley or are they? With Quinlan?s help and the promise of Braedon's protection the events that unfold will send the reader into a world that is terrifying, dangerous, and unsettling. Riley's secret as to whom and what she really is and what part she really plays in the death of Sloan are revealed at the very end of this book on the very last page. The author leaves the reader unsure as to what will really happen to any of the characters. Motive for murder is often revenge. Riley sees an old adversary in one of her visions and realizes that it is something from her past that has caused these events in what seems like her present and will definitely play a part in her future. I really enjoyed reading Myth to Life: The Rise of Riley McCabe and hope that the author will write a sequel. I want to know what will happen to Braedon and Riley and if they have a future in either one of their worlds. I want to know if her adversary will confront her and what will be the final outcome. I would highly recommend this book to a friend.

This review is wonderful and bittersweet. After requesting the review in January of 2009, my hopes of receiving a review seemed improbable since sites don't guarantee they will review your work. I decided I would take the request off my Outlook task list and close the book on this forever.

Prior to all this happening, I had also decided to terminate my contract with Mystic Moon Press for many reasons, but wanted to wait for "Blood Betrayal" to come out because there were people who wanted to read it. But I had finally decided if I was never going to be published again, I was satisfied with my decision to leave Mystic Moon Press.

Most of you know I became seriously ill in January, so dealing with termination of my contract as well as all the other inconveniences life throws at us got shoved to the back burner until I could physically deal with everything. Then the series took off at Fictionwise eBooks and I related all the great things happening there.

I decided it was time to terminate with Mystic Moon, then I received the wonderful review from Manic Readers the day after I closed the Outlook task. How is that for coincidence and a confidence booster? While in the process of writing my letter to Mystic Moon Press all hell broke loose and everything became a moot point.

Mystic Moon Press had scammed its authors, not paid them, took the money and denied culpability. The entire staff resigned. All the authors terminated their contracts. The owner remained silent throughout all of the turmoil and still remains silent.

Happily, though saddened for everyone involved except the owner and her cohorts, I can report the authors did accomplish something it would have taken attorneys months to fix. Just from last week Mystic Moon Press is out of business (until the owner changes names and starts scamming again) and the site has been taken down. Fictionwise no longer has the publisher listed and all the author?s books have been removed. Mobipocket is following suit. Hopefully, Amazon.com will bring up the rear in doing right by the authors but at least the "buy at" links have been disabled. There are so many affiliated sites and subsidiaries of these carriers that it may be some time before all works issued from Mystic Moon Press never exist.

I want to thank everyone who has supported me throughout my writing career and especially with my series "Myth to Life: The Rise of Riley McCabe." I have always said I cannot do any of this without you, nor did I wish to. Through you Riley has been able to have her voice heard and has proven what she has to say is interesting. But do not fear Riley McCabe is not dead. I am currently writing the first fill length novel in Riley's series (something I had planned all along) and can't wait to share more of her life with those interested reading, which I hope is everyone! Sorry, a little self-promotion there.

After the dust settles on this, and I am assured all my rights are back in my hot little hands, I look forward to picking up the manuscript once again and settling old scores with Riley's ancient and new foes. Who knows what evil lurks out there for Riley to encounter? I do!

Thanks again for all your support. Riley and I have had a rough several months, but thither onward, mon amis, we?re out of the gate and not turning back.

I'm carrying my sword high and running full force toward a new day.

Patricia

P. A. Matthews

Song sung blue in the key of P flat

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 04:25:00 -0400

I often wonder how Julie Andrews truly felt when she discovered she could no longer sing, especially since she'd entrusted her exquisite voice to a surgeon and the end result became the unthinkable. Did she cry? Throw things? Wish she could scream bloody murder only to realize a croak would have to suffice instead of the long wail? Did depression cloak her, or deep inside was she able to live what she showed to the outside world? She is the consummate professional--her attitude toward the outcome of her life in seemingly good balance.

I am not Julie Andrews.

On any level.

Except one.

A passion for singing.

For weeks I have struggled with how to relate my situation to those interested reading about my hum-drum little life. Well, not weeks, actually months. I stated in an earlier blog there were health issues I'm dealing with, some not so great moments in the annals of living life to the fullest. To put us into today, we have to take a few steps back to several years ago and continual diagnoses which tipped my world on it's ear--or upside down in my case since I have vertigo and often I find myself hanging onto the bed so I don't fall off while thinking I'm twirling on the ceiling. Life?s ups and downs take on new meaning in my house.

Some of you know I am a singer. It has been my passion since I was 15. I'll write a blog one day about my life singing, the highs and lows, and some of the personal experiences I've had while doing what I truly loved. I've often thought about writing a short story about my life in a certain choir and one day may take people on the journey of The Disenchanted Diva. But I digress.

Two years ago I developed a hacking cough, dry, irritating ... constant. My personal thought at that time was that I was exposed to an unknown environmental situation since one day I was fine and the next day all hell broke lose in my body. To this day I still think I was exposed to something toxic which triggered the decline of my health due to it attacking what was already vulnerable in my body. No time to find out what was wrong since I was in the midst of one of the busiest times of the year at work, plus no health insurance. But I have a limited background in the medical field so I did what I do best and what many out there do best, what I call prairie medicine. You know the kind of stuff your grandmother used, or at least my grandmother used.

I did finally go to the doctor when my voice consistently sounded strangled, I couldn't walk without gasping, and my heart rate soared through the roof. Even I know when to cry uncle.

The result of that visit began a long journey into the wasteland of medical opinion. By the time I got to the doctor I couldn't speak from the gasping and loss of my voice. Two series of cortisone treatments, massive doses of high-powered antibiotics, an inhaler, and a month in forced silence somewhat restored my voice. A late night call from the doctor after a chest x-ray ruled out pneumonia ... confirmed other things, possibly a strangled aorta. Okay, give me a minute to digest the info and I'll get back to you, doc. I will admit fear freely flowed through me, shutting off logical thought, sending my head into overdrive, all while trying to stuff the emotions deep inside me so I could cope with life.

I still had to work. Now I got to purchase a C.A.T scan view of the lungs, heart, etc., etc. Let me stop here and let you know money to me is relative. I have never really desired riches, but money does aid you when you need something important like that test. Although, if a record deal had come my way I wouldn't have refused the cash.

The scan confirmed C.O.P.D. and a funky ventricle in the heart, plus a few other issues I've still not had a good diagnosis on. What the scan also showed was the goiter on my thyroid, once almost infinitesimal, now growing and displacing my trachea. Huh, well that explained the pain I experienced as I watched my neck changing shape. Oh and by the way it's going to take a long time to recover from this trauma to your system. Way to go, doc. Think you could learn a better bedside manner?

On to the throat specialist/surgeon. The only good report to come out of that visit was that my vocal folds were in great shape. No scarring. No nodes. My years of training and learning to sing properly had paid off. What was shared with me after I was poked, prodded, lump measured, inspection of vocal folds, still upsets me. First, the surgeon told me he didn?t do the type of surgery I needed. Huh? You couldn't have told me this over the phone weeks ago and I'm now wasting my time and his on something that's going no where. But wait ... more joy to share. I told him I sang. His response to me was this: You will never sing again. Joy. Rapture. Tell me more wonderful news. He told me: In fact, after the surgery you will probably lose your voice altogether and it will never return. How I stayed upright in the examination chair still remains a mystery as my head spun off my body.

Do you have insurance? No. Now the words you don't expect to hear from a doctor: How the hell are you going to pay for this? His actual words. I gathered the silence around me and told him I would figure it out. What I really wanted to do was shove every pointy instrument into his eyes and say whoops, guess you lost your eyesight, hope you can find something else to do with your down time. The final cherry on top of the stupendous sundae was I got to pay his outrageous fee for the consultation. I should have stopped payment on the check. I should have kicked him in the balls and said deal with it. Needless to say at this point I wasn't hip to surgery.

Fast forward to this year. Another health crisis to deal with. Another blog which may not make it to the page. Still no insurance. This time a new clinic had a nurse practitioner who decided to become my health advocate since so many things were happening. Months into the process we could finally address the growth in my neck. The ear/nose/throat specialist fed a camera through my nose to my vocal folds and thoroughly inspected them. Good news. Despite the continuing hoarseness, totally losing the voice, the folds were in excellent condition. He ordered an ultrasound, which I had.

The results were in. My nurse gave me the news. Lots of cysts. Okay, that wasn't bad news. She looked at me with a different expression on her face: The large nodule has great blood supply to it. My breathing deepened as she watched my face. Okay, so it's a tumor type thing nodule. She nodded, never forced me to answer, then: What do you want to do? My father had thyroid cancer. Had survived thyroid cancer. The nodule rapidly growing in my throat held the possibility of either being benign or cancerous. Something always in the back of my mind, something to deal with in the here and now. Go ahead and order the biopsy. Are you okay? Yes. Can we increase the dosage on the anxiety medication? She smiled and said we could up it as much as needed. I'm not sure I felt brave, in fact, I'm not sure what I felt except the thing growing in my neck like an alien being waiting to burst forth. Hey, could it suture the wound when it left so I didn't have to pay for surgery?

I was brave when I told my mother. Maybe not brave but a little shell-shocked which took the edge off delivering bad news. I do remember going to bed, crawling into a fetal position, putting my arms around myself and rocking since there wasn't anyone to do that for me. All I wanted was to put my head in someone's lap who cared and let them stroke my head and tell me it would be all right. I told myself it would be all right. I prayed a lot. I cried a lot. I dealt with the news.

The biopsy was this week. For the past several years I have been working on facing fear head on. Fear is debilitating. Fear is that nasty demon which wraps its tentacles around you and doesn't let go. Fear is that thing which reminds us we have no hope. Fear is mistaken for it doesn't recognize there is a more powerful person in my life--God. And through God all things are possible.

When combing my hair before leaving for the appointment, I had a sudden attack of panic. I felt what the fear was doing in my body, that fight or flight scenario where you feel like passing out, your limbs go cold because blood is rushing to your organs to save you, and you gasp for air like a dying fish. I looked in the mirror to see a grayed replica of me staring back. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

My sister convinced me to take her with me to the appointment stating I didn't have to be the big girl and bear the news alone. After the biopsy she told me I looked ragged. Yeah, we don't spare each other at times, and really what did she expect after 45 minutes with needles being stuck in your neck? I felt ragged, and as the day unwound so did the anxiety level, which left me exhausted, a reminder why none of us is built to live in constant stress.

Now I wait for the news of my biopsy. For the next appointment with the specialist to give me the word, whatever that would will be. I say the word cancer to offset the shock of hearing the bad news. Possibly not the best thing but I'd rather be prepared than be in a fantasy state and fall to pieces. My idea is plan for the worst, accept the good news when it comes.

Life is so uncertain at times. Through the situations in my life I've learned to trust God more, to give Him the problems to deal with and try not to take them back. That's the key, not taking the problems back, but learning to lean on His understanding even when it is foreign to us.

I pray I don't have cancer. I pray the lump in my throat will someday disappear, and if it doesn't I pray that the right surgeon will be there when I need him.

Everything has a season, and as we travel through each cycle we learn more about the season we are living through and our place in it and are allowed to cherish the experiences those seasons have to offer. To not acknowledge the dismal season in favor of a brighter one does us a disservice. We don't grow, but remain static. We become weak. Our roots don't take hold in fertile soil and grow deep enough to withstand the onslaught of life's storms.

I want to be brave. I am a warrior. And one day I hope to sing again.

Ta and peace,

HURRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 03:20:00 -0400

NEWS FLASH!

HURRAY!!!!

ALL stories in the "Myth to Life: The Rise of Riley McCabe" series have hit the top 54 books in the Dark Fantasy section at Fictionwise! with "Between Myth and Blood" at #29 and "Blood Betrayal" at #33! "At Death's Door" is at #53, and bringing up a respectable #54 is "Hunted" Woo Hooooooo!!!

I can't do any of this without all of you, nor do I want to. I'd be overjoyed if you'd like to read the series at either Mystic Moon Press: http://www.mysticmoonpress.com/authorpages/pamatthews.html

and help the series rise higher on the charts at Fictionwise eBooks:

http://www.fictionwise.com/eBooks/PAMatthewseBooks.htm

Can we get Riley and her cohorts to number 1 at Fictionwise? With your help she can rise just as Braedon does, only without fangs ... although she truly loves fangs.

I hope you enjoy the reads.

P. A. Matthews

An OMG! moment at Fictionwise eBooks!

Tue, 26 May 2009 03:10:00 -0400

~ Quote of the Day ~

The reality is more excellent than the report.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Hello everyone;

I'm sorry I've been away for ages. I've been seriously ill since January, as well as working sixty plus hours a week to keep afloat. I'll write more about some of this in a later blog, however, I wanted to share some truly exciting news with everyone.

Friday, I thought I would check Fictionwise eBooks to see how my series "Myth to Life: The Rise of Riley McCabe" was doing. By the way, after waiting almost four months for something to happen, I can also share "Blood Betrayal" has finally been released at Fictionwise and Amazon.com (e-book section), as well as Mystic Moon Press.

Getting back to Fictionwise. I checked the site and received a huge shock. ALL the stories in the Myth to Life series were in the TOP 107 in the Dark Fantasy section (where my books are located) and "Blood Betrayal" hit TOP RATED!!!!! But wait ... ALL the stories have since moved up, with "Between Myth and Blood" taking spot #31, "Blood Betrayal" in #48, "At Death's Door" rounding the corner at #68, and "Hunted" bringing up the lovely rear (and what a lovely rear it is) at #75! Yes, this means that ALL Myth to Life stories are in the top 75 in the Dark Fantasy section and the top 15 in the Fictionwise Mystic Moon Publisher section.

I'll tell you I can't express the all-out shock and exhilarated feelings that coursed through me as I stared at the first placement of "Between Myth and Blood"and wondered where all the other stories were in the lineup. The shock continued as I sat with my mouth open and my eyes bugging out at seeing the brand new covers with my name on them lining the top pages of Fictionwise.

I know this won't last forever, although if people keep buying it could stay for awhile, (please, oh please), so I wanted to share my good fortune with those who understand how difficult it is to write and write hoping one day they will get published, and when you finally do get published you have to wait and wait for something else to happen or the work to appear somewhere, then you have to wait for an eternity for people to even notice you're on the pages to read ... that is if you're lucky enough to have someone notice, then wait for anyone to take a chance on reading an unknown author and passing on information to others that they enjoyed the book and will read the next installment.

Whew! What a rollercoaster ride this has been. Honestly, I put so much hard work into writing what I thought was the best I could write at that moment in my life, I wasn't sure I could keep going ... but I did. I worked like crazy trying to get my name out there by joining different groups and attempting to advertise (I'm so far out of my comfort zone that sometimes I feel it isn't me doing these things since I'm basically really shy. Yes, I've become a writing group whore, pimping my stuff so people will read, waiting for a best seller while I write more.)

But I can tell you that I've had to stop trying to promote due to the lingering illness. Have slowed my writing to a snail's pace and less due to working so many hours to keep life (or my pseudo life) going. In all of this, depression, the darkest I've been in for a long time, once again reared its ugly head because nothing, including my health, was within my control. I felt trapped by life and circumstance knowing that the small efforts I?d put forth would be meaningless if I ever got back to writing and trying to present my work. That was it ... if I ever got back ... to anything.

I suppose that's why this news was so important to share. In the very desolate and uncertain state of my life, God allowed something new to spring forth from barren ground. Hope. The part of me I had almost lost as I struggled through the mire of sickness and mental death. So when I share the great news of people buying my work, I realize it is selfish on my part, but in this I wanted to say I have learned so much during this time of separation from what I knew as my life.

To wait doesn't necessarily mean something isn't ever going to happen, no matter how dim the prospects. No doesn't necessarily mean that's the final word, but perhaps a chance for something better to come along which will make you say I didn't expect that good outcome.

Today I got to realize the success I'd already envisioned between my ears ... where real success resides, and got to acknowledge once again I cannot do any of this without all of you reading, reviewing, and sharing my work with others. I once said I would take you on my ride through publishing, today we get to stop and take a breather while people read my work. Tomorrow we begin again, traversing through the unknown of writing and publishing, knowing we got to experience and taste the sweetness of this current success.

I do not want to do any of this without all of you. If you are interested reading the Myth to Life series, I would love it. Tell me your thoughts, let me know what you think of Riley, Braedon, Quinlan, Desmond, Andrew, and the many miscreants attempting their destruction.

Fictionwise eBooks: http://www.fictionwise.com/eBooks/pamatthewseBooks.htm?cache

Here's to making Myth to Life: The Rise of Riley McCabe number 1! Yes, a girl can dream, and I'm dreaming big.

Ta and peace,

http://pamatthews.webs.com

Blood Betrayal Dirt

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 14:56:00 -0400

~ Quote of the Day ~

"I should have let them stick that hot poker in both of your eyes while they ripped your insolent tongue from your ungrateful mouth. Then I could have thoroughly enjoyed them flaying you open while you were still alive to experience the torture. I never should have brought you over, but I did so out of compassion for you, and you show your gratitude by disrespecting everything I have ever given you. You have destroyed my trust."

Braedon Carlisle to Desmond Blood Betrayal - P. A. Matthews

Myth To Life - The Rise of Riley McCabe: Blood Betrayal

Riley McCabe vanished without a trace . . . or so Braedon Carlisle, master vampire, is led to believe. In a pact to save Braedon and his bloodline, Riley agrees to enslavement by the Host's maniacal leader Doran for one year. With the caveats she sever ties with Braedon and the House of Carlisle without a reason, and agreeing not to use her psychic or Seelie powers, Riley is taken to a hidden corner of the evil Unseelie kingdom very few escape.

Sworn to secrecy by Riley, only two people know of this pact to ensure their safety and protect Braedon as well; Quinlan, Braedon's human servant and wereleopard Andrew, Braedon?s main blood donor and Riley?s friend.

In this Carlisle Chronicle, enemies assault from every side, including those from Braedon's monster-filled past. As Braedon mourns losing Riley, his life becomes erratic, and the ensuing power struggle between his human and vampire identities leaves lingering doubt which side will win.

Can anyone survive the consuming betrayal inside the House of Carlisle . . . including its master?

Hello Everyone;

I'm pleased to inform you that Blood Betrayal was finally released on February 28, 2009! Yay!

In this novelette we peek inside the House of Carlisle as well as reveal part of Braedon Carlisle's inner thoughts as its master. At the end of Hunted Riley left without a word to say she'll return ... that is if she is allowed to return. But does this constitute betrayal in Braedon's world? To him personally?

Enemies. Friendships. Love. Murder. Betrayal. Everything changes as the game of life and death plays out inside the House of Carlisle.

Blood Betrayal is now available at Mystic Moon Press http://www.mysticmoonpress.com/authorpages/pamatthews.html and will soon be available at Fictionwise eBooks
http://www.fictionwise.com/eBooks/PAMatthewseBooks.htm, Amazon.com and other eBook outlets.

I would love for you to read the newest novelette and give me feedback on the stories. And, while you're at it, why not catch up on the three previous Riley adventures which led to this new story. All works are available at the previously mentioned outlets.

I can't do any of this without your support, nor do I want to. I hope you enjoy the reads. Riley McCabe awaits you.

Ta and Peace,

P

Odd Mind Dirt

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 16:05:00 -0500

~ Quote of the Day ~

I write because I'm afraid to say some things out loud.

Real Live Preacher

Hello All;

I would have posted this sooner, however have had a few difficulties for the past several months. I'll go into those a bit in a later blog since I don't want to waste my words on the humdrum when I want to tell something special.

Once again I am happy to share with you that one of my stories has been picked up for publication and is currently appearing in the Winter Edition of The Odd Mind Magazine.

Yay! That's right. War Storms is right there in black and white for everyone to read and enjoy. Plus, there are many other authors you will also enjoy reading as you peruse the pages of a magazine designed and dedicated to independent authors and artists.

Please support Lesa Trapp and her staff as they continue to listen to the dreams of artists out there without a voice and bring them to the forefront in the magazine for everyone to read.

Thanks for supporting me. I can't do this without any of you and I don't want to either.

Ta and Peace,

P

News Flash from the Odd Mind Magazine:

Grab your copy of the New Odd Mind!!! It is now on sale.

The Odd Mind Magazine is the Voice of the Independent Authors and Artist of today.

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2590219

Open these pages and meet them.

The Winter issue of 2008/2009 contains:

The Odd Mind Shows of: September 2008 to December 2008

The list of Winners for the most listened to shows in 2008.

A Tribute to Joseph McGee.

Art-Work by: Debi DeSantis

Photography by: Photographer Mark Lewis

Book Reviews by: TG Reaper and Alan Draven

Pandora's Box of Blog Talk Radio shows

Poetry: Shirley Trapp Tipton, Rebecca Tipton, Kismet, M. Teresa Blaylock, Catherine R. Donaldson, and Lesa Trapp

Short Stories: Yvonne Mason, Jack R. Sorenson, Kody Boye, Mike Ridenour, Gloria Teague, Bill Wilson and P. A. Matthews.

On-Writing: Nicholas Grabowsky, Charlotte, Steven Payette, and Deborah Simpson

Tons of Sponsors and much more.

You have 150 pages to view and enjoy.

Ahoy Thar Matey, Happy New Year!

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 22:04:00 -0500

~ Quote of the Day ~

Even pirates, before they attack another ship, hoist a black flag.

- Bela Kiraly

Life's pretty good, and why wouldn't it be? I'm a pirate, after all.

- Johnny Depp

Arrrgh Mateys!

Shiver me timbers! And here ya thought ya was gonna find a witherin' look back at tha Year of Our Lord - 2008. Au contraire mon amis, for tonight we look forward ... ta adventure on tha high seas ... ta murderous attempts deep within tha hold ... ta findin' lost treasure or tha chance ta make treasure lost ta find again ... ta shiny cutlery and tha clear sound o' swords clanging in tha night ... ta taking no prisoners! unless they be Orlando Bloom.

Thar'll be plenty o' time to jaw 'round a fire, swappin' stories o' tha past year when next we find port, but tonight we hoist tha black flag and set sail toward tha unknown. Gone are tha days of 2008 with all its failure and triumphant booty. Look back no more me scallywags and wenches, for tonight tha moon guides us across dark water until thar's nothin' left but man and sea, and tha promise o' a jig and reel played on a fiddle while we dance 'til dawn.

'til tha morrow ~

HAPPY

NEW

YEAR!!!!!!

P, yar Pirate Queen

Happy Veteran's Day

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 16:24:00 -0500

~ Quote of the Day ~

The price of greatness is responsibility.

? Winston Churchill

THOUGHTS ON VETERANS DAY

General Douglas MacArthur

It is the SOLDIER, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the SOLDIER, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the SOLDIER, not the campus organizers, who has given us the freedom to demonstrate.

It is the SOLDIER, who salutes the flag, who serves the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag,

Who allows the protester to burn the flag. AMEN.

Folding of the Flag

The following information on Folding the Flag was sent by Russell Maynard of Michigan. Did you know that government schools stopped teaching this in 1955? Sad, isn't it! The flag is folded 13 times to symbolize the original 13 colonies, but there is much more to the flag folding. Read on ...

The 1st fold of our flag is a symbol of life.

The 2nd fold is a symbol of our belief in eternal life.

The 3rd fold is made in honor and remembrance of the veterans departing our ranks who gave a portion of their lives for the defense of our country to attain peace throughout the world.

The 4th fold represents our weaker nature, for as American citizens trusting in God, it is to Him we turn in times of peace as well as in time of war for His divine guidance.

The 5th fold is a tribute to our country, for in the words of Stephen Decaur, "Our Country, in dealing with other countries, may she always be right; but it is still our country, right or wrong."

The 6th fold is for where our hearts lie. It is with our hearts that, "We pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States Of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all."

The 7th fold is a tribute to our Armed Forces, for it is through the Armed Forces that we protect our country and our flag against all her enemies, whether they be found within or without the boundaries of our republic.

The 8th fold is a tribute to the one who entered into the valley of the shadow of death, that we might see the light of day.

The 9th fold is a tribute to womanhood, and Mothers. For it has been through their faith, their love, loyalty and devotion that the character of the men and women who have made this country great has been molded.

The 10th fold is a tribute to the fathers, for they, too, have given their sons and daughters for the defense of our country since they were first born.

The 11th fold represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon and glorifies in the Hebrews' eyes, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

The 12th fold represents an emblem of eternity and glorifies, in the Christians' eyes, God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.

The 13th fold, or when the flag is completely folded, the stars are uppermost reminding us of our nation's motto, "In God We Trust."

After the flag is completely folded and tucked in, it takes on the appearance of a cocked hat, ever reminding us of the soldiers who served under General George Washington, and the sailors and marines who served under Captain John Paul Jones, who were followed by their comrades and shipmates in the Armed Forces of the United States, preserving for us the rights, privileges and freedoms we enjoy today. There are some traditions and ways of doing things that have deep meaning. In the future, you'll see flags folded and now you will know why.

Do you know that at military funerals, the 21 gun salute actually stands for the sum of the numbers in the year 1776?

Eulogy for a Veteran

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the mornings hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight,
I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die.

A special thank you to this link for providing great information on Veteran's Day.
http://www.lovetolearnplace.com/SpecialDays/Veteransday/veteransday.html

I would like to personally add my thoughts and prayers for the many who have died proudly serving our country as well as the families of the military who are left behind. Thank you for giving your life so that I can remain free from tyranny and oppression.

To those who serve today, my humble prayers of gratitude and honor are with you as you serve.

Please check out these sites and help provide for those who gave of themselves so freely and without regard for their personal safety in order to keep us from harm's way.

http://www.woundedwarriorproject.org/

http://www.amvets.org/

http://www.dav.org/

Peace,

Patricia

An Electromagnetic Pulse Dirt

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 00:21:57 -0500

~ Quote of the Day ~

Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money.

- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910)

Hello Everyone;

I'm happy to announce that Farspace 1 Anthology is now available for purchase at the following location:

http://www.lulu.com/utilityfogpress

My poem, "An Electromagnetic Pulse", is among the pages of the anthology along with other writers from WDC. I hope you take the opportunity to check out the anthology and enjoy what each writer has contributed. It's been a long time in the works, but I think worth the wait.

Ta and peace,

P

Dirt Beneath the Shamrocks

Come Monday at High Noon

A Bittersweet Moment

Song sung blue in the key of P flat

HURRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

An OMG! moment at Fictionwise eBooks!

Blood Betrayal Dirt

Odd Mind Dirt

Ahoy Thar Matey, Happy New Year!

~ Quote of the Day ~Even pirates, before they attack another ship, hoist a black flag.

- Bela Kiraly

Life's pretty good, and why wouldn't it be? I'm a pirate, after all.

- Johnny Depp

P, yar Pirate Queen

Happy Veteran's Day

An Electromagnetic Pulse Dirt

~ Quote of the Day ~

Even pirates, before they attack another ship, hoist a black flag.